If you’re struggling with a problem, any problem, it pays to talk about it. Talking enables you describe a problem far better than merely thinking about it.
So talk. Even if you can only talk to yourself, or your cat or your goldfish, have the conversation that describes your problem.
Here’s an example. I found an old music cassette I never liked, and felt bad about throwing it away. I had bought it with my own money, it was mine, it has a non-recyclable plastic case. Not many charity shops will take them, and I couldn’t think of anyone who would want it. Someone had worked hard to produce it. All this rubbish (and more) was going on in my mind, preventing me from getting rid of something I simply didn’t want!
So I talked the problem through, talked out loud all those bothers listed above, and ended up (rather angrily) chucking it in the bin. There was a reason for this: Stuff you simply ‘don’t want’ is never going to become stuff you want. But most of the potential solutions I talked to myself about to get rid of it required extra effort, and time I didn’t have.
This silly tape was blocking me. I needed a solution now. The simplest ‘right now’ solution was the bin.
Think about this: if my problem is physically ‘in the bin’, I have flagged it ‘for removal’, without chucking it out completely which, for some reason, I can’t face right now. But I have dealt with the initial problem, and conveyed it to the next stage.
This ‘conveyor belt’ approach is important. It keeps us moving and prevents our problems from blocking us. If we agonise over ‘what if’ scenarios, we get stuck, and we don’t have time for that. Put the problem on the ‘conveyor belt’ and wave goodbye as it goes away.
The bin won’t be emptied for a week or two, maybe longer. This gives my brain time to process any worries I have in slow time, while my body can get on with making breakfast, cleaning the house, or whatever. I can always rescue the cassette if I feel I really need to.
Scientific research has shown that people who talk to themselves have better mental health. Have a look at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-minute-therapist/201712/do-you-talk-yourself
So why not give it a go, and see how you solve your own problems.
Oh, and that cassette? It’s still there, sitting in my bin – but it isn’t blocking me anymore – it helped me write this post! So I can thank it for that. It will soon be buried under other ‘binnable’ stuff, and I can probably throw it out (it’s halfway there already). I can’t do much about the plastic or the tape, but I’ll probably recycle the paper insert.
The longer things sit in bins, the easier it is for us to let go of them. Perhaps that’s the real purpose of bins – to act as a temporary repository, giving us time to process, and let things go.